Whose Dream Is It Anyways?

When I decided to take the leap and purchase my own domain, sarahstinson.com was already taken. Who took it? I don’t know. But now my name must have a dash in the middle of it.

After deliberating for days over what to name my site (a kind friend told me Awkward & Grace sounded stupid, and I’m forever grateful), I decided to go with Sarah Laughed because I love the story in the Bible where Sarah laughs at God.

Turns out Sara Laughed is already taken. Granted it’s taken by a Sara who doesn’t spell her name the way God intended, but she’s super organized and giving out advice about conquering adulthood because she’s actually figured it all out. She’s even great at Bible Journaling, but I’m not bitter.

My site is nothing like hers, but I still felt wrong using her title.

When I thought about what kind of manifesto I wanted to write to explain my passion and hope to give my blog some semblance of a clear focus, I decided, “A Manifesto for the Late Bloomer” would be perfect because I’ve spent most of my adult life thinking about my dreams instead of chasing them.

Guess what? That one’s already taken too. A beautiful website and book already exist for those who feel like they’re late bloomers, and it’s probably better than anything I could create.

Hurdles like these usually make me quit, but not this time. Don’t get the idea that I’m leaping over them though. I’m not athletic—even in my imagination. It’s more along the lines of, “Oh, look a hurdle. Uhh… You can’t run or jump. Maybe knock it down and walk over it or just like walk around. Yeah, just walk around it, No more quitting, Sarah.”

So I made adjustments to my thwarted plans, and now my dream feels more uniquely my own.

Still I have this nagging fear that maybe it’s not worth the effort. What if my dream is already taken by someone more talented and self-disciplined than me?

I don’t think my dad ever told me I could be whatever I wanted to be when I felt discouraged. Maybe he did, but what I remember most was him telling me, “Sarah, there’s always going to be someone who is better than you.” Thanks, Dad.

He wanted to encourage me that I needed to strive for my best because I can’t control how well others perform.

Too often though, I couldn’t be my best because I’d waste time worrying about other people being better than me. Instead of letting people’s talent challenge me and force me to grow and try new things, I allowed it to paralyze me and make me bitter.

My dad did tell me I could do anything I put my mind to, but I spent years putting my mind to the wrong things—you know like worrying about other people’s success.

Or like those few years in college when I dreamed of being a singer/songwriter. Unfortunately, I have a mediocre voice and the lack of discipline (talent) to learn an instrument.

Just because being a singer was my dream at one point, doesn’t mean it was what I was meant to be. I would have never known just how mediocre a voice I have if it weren’t for listening to talented singers and songwriters.

Sometimes we chase the wrong dream.

But pursuing singing–half heartedly at best–helped me find clarity in defining my true passions.

I’m glad my dad never told me I could be whatever I wanted to be because I’d still be trying to record embarrassing demos.

The world has plenty of talented singers which is a good thing because people are eclectic in their musical tastes.

The world has plenty of talented writers too—this one is harder for me to flaunt as a good thing.

Honestly, most days I still feel threatened by other people’s successes because maybe the world isn’t big enough for all of us to achieve our goals. But it is. 

I think the world might actually be embarrassed that so many of us give up too easily.

I’m not organized. I don’t have it all together. I’m not going to be the blogger you go to for practical tips on being an adult. Sara Laughed seems to be great at that sort of thing—seriously, Google it.

I’m trying to find my unique voice. I encourage you to do the same because finding your real purpose affects all of us.

You can’t be whatever you want to be. I’m sorry. The world needs you to be you.

I need you to be you and discover your talents and chase the dreams that will allow you to live out those passions—it’ll give me the courage to do the same.

(I’ll probably still never be able to give you a step-by-step practical guide for how to do this though.)