Me, Myself, and Instagram

In addition to all the French Bulldog puppies, Christian posts with inspirational quotes or even scripture sprinkle my Instagram feed—making me feel a little better about the time I waste on my phone.

Several of these photos include women reading God’s word on the beach or under a tree in a meadow full of wildflowers. These women wear fashionably modest clothes and hold a warm cup of coffee all while gazing lovingly into their Bibles.

Don’t get me started on their Bibles. I get a serious case of Bible envy sometimes. You know the Bibles I’m talking about—they have wide margins filled with colorful designs and insightful notes about the scriptures. These women obviously wake up hours before the sun rises every day to carefully study God’s Word and write out His insights with perfect penmanship.

I’ve even met some of these women in real life. They are beautiful, funny, AND love Jesus. Their outgoing and sweet personality makes them perfect to serve with children, youth, or on the welcome team.

I can’t not like them because they’re too nice and they usually laugh at my jokes.

Meanwhile, I’m over here reading my Bible in sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt (all the modesty none of the fashion). I don’t like coffee, so I don’t know if my salvation is even real. But you don’t need to drink coffee when you’re reading your Bible at night because you pressed snooze too many times again.

My Bible has wide margins, but those margins aren’t pretty. As hard as I try, my handwriting remains half a step above chicken scratch on a good day. While reading Psalm 40, I tried to make a list of all the things God did for David—I wrote the number 3 twice.  (Now I have 3a—God set David’s feet on a secure path and 3b—God gave David a new song.)

At church, I’m awkward and quiet, but you can still count on me to laugh at inappropriate times. I don’t know where my sarcastic personality serves best because kids are not naturally drawn to me, and teenagers scare me.

Please feel free to judge away because I’m well aware that we should not compare ourselves to others, and I’ve basically spent this whole post jealously judging those women who seem to have it all together.

I do love Jesus, but it’s messy—even though I try so hard to put a filter on my spirituality to make it look more like the Insta-perfect-Christian woman I created in my head. But that leaves me struggling to live up to an ideal that is not attainable and has become an idol.

Filters never make me look tanner, and they won’t help me love Jesus more or serve Him better.

You know what will? It’s the Sunday School answer. Jesus.

Go ahead, roll your eyes. I did because the truth is simple and yet so difficult for my stubborn heart to apply. Anytime my focus shifts from God to others or even myself, I slip up.

My focus stays on God more the more I’m in His Word—even if it’s late at night. His words make my Bible beautiful—not my Bible journaling mastery (or lack thereof).

Comparison is a dangerous game that distracts us from becoming all God created us to be. Someone is always going to be better than you or where you think you should be at this point in your life.

I’ll never have perfect penmanship or be great at Bible journaling, but that doesn’t bother God because those aren’t the gifts He gave me to reflect His glory. I do think it bothers Him when I waste my energy trying to be something I’m not or someone He never created me to be.

I’d love to say I’ll never be a morning person, but God does call us to growth in areas where we lack discipline. Currently, I’m failing almost daily in this getting up early thing, but I’m trying to surrender my mornings to God because I do want to love Him more—I might have to learn to love coffee more too.

The world doesn’t need more people paralyzed because comparison either left them devastated by their short comings or arrogant in their successes. Jesus is vast and given us vastly unique ways to reflect His glory and goodness. The world needs people bold enough to be themselves.