10 Things I Hate About Me

ONE

I had given myself the usual falling-asleep-pep-talk last night–tomorrow will be different and you’ll wake up ready to hustle on your writing dream.  My alarm went off at 5:00 am like it does everyday. I snoozed until 7:08 am like I do everyday.

TWO

During my morning rush to make it to my day job by 8:00 am, I told myself I was going to have fun today and not let myself focus on all the things I hate about the job that used to be my dream but over the last five years has turned into my daily dread. That positive mindset lasted until about 8:27 am–right about the time other people began showing up, but still a new personal record as of late.

THREE

Amidst the noise of complaining guests and coworkers, I repeated this mantra in my head: You don’t need Chick-fil-a. It’s not in your budget right now. Resist the allure of waffle fries. The Spicy Chicken Sandwich won’t make you feel better about your crappy job. You are strong. 

FOUR

The $7.51 I spent at Chick-fil-a on the way home from work is actually consequential. Dave Ramsey would not approve. I don’t have that kind of money to be spending frivolously–even though I work 40 hours a week at a job I used to love.

FIVE

Drained from work and full from waffle fries, I told myself I could take a nap until 7:00 pm. I would still have a solid 3 hours of writing and working on my dreams before it was time for bed. At 7:57 pm, I pulled the covers over my head and lamented–Sarah, why do you do this to yourself?!

SIX

My large forehead. I don’t like it.

The Asian lady at Hair Cuttery told me, “Wow, you know you have big forehead?”

“I’m aware. That’s why I asked for bangs.”

“Yeah, you need them.”

“Thanks, you know you have small tip?”

(Ok, I didn’t say that last line, but I thought it.)

SEVEN

I get distracted easily. After checking Instagram and Facebook several times and going down a dark rabbit hole to see if Buzzfeed could correctly guess my favorite hobby based on the toppings I would put on an ice cream sundae, it’s now 9:32 pm. How do I waste so much time? Can I get paid for that? Probably not.

EIGHT

Blinking cursor. Blinking cursor. Write. Just write something. Anything.

You should probably start a new blog first though because your last ones have been duds. Yeah, go research that.

Why are you running so hot, computer–you’re literally burning my legs! Please load the page faster. I need to be an expert in email marketing before I can start writing anymore content.

What the heck is an email list? How do I get one? You need to self-host your own website? What does that even mean?! I’m so confused!

Ugh, it’s 10:56 pm! I hate technology. I just want to write.

NINE

You probably didn’t laugh as much I wanted you to reading this. I don’t laugh as much as I want to anymore–except when it’s to keep from crying. But laughing is important, and I’ll take what I can get.

TEN

When I’m finally getting into bed at 11:17 pm, I hate the idea of living this day over and over again and waking up a year from now with my life looking exactly the same.

Dreams not pursued eat away at our souls slowly and leave us wanting–kinda like eating the last waffle fry leaves me with a box empty of everything but regret. Right now, I hate the possibility of regret more than my oversized forehead and definitely more than my fear of failing.

How do I wake up tomorrow and make it look different from today? I’m not quite sure because I think in terms of A to Z, and I’m slowly learning I need to focus on taking a step toward B first.

I wrote this post and shared it and am making a commitment to post once a week on this blog. Hold me to it. I’ll figure out the rest as I go because I can’t sit still anymore.